I'm not over him and it's a year later..I'm having a nervous break down please help?

I am a 29yr old woman going on 30 in June...July will make a year since I broke up with my ex I was with him 2.5yrs and yes he was my very first real love. My relationship with men started late in life, I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 23 going on 24 which was the point I lost my virginity..after breaking up with him I had no real emotional or love behind it..dated between then met my ex that I'm not over...On both sides we were both @ fault..he was an immigrant that was married to his kids mother, they weren't together when I met him, he lived with his parents. We hung out alot and I use to either visit his parents or he came to my apt most of the time, we shared adventures, traveling I met all his family and he met all of mine..I even met the mother of his children toward the end of our relationship. They were married mainly for business purposes of him obtaining his green card and lived seperate lives..but it never ease my soul and we had alot of tension based on his marriage..he obtained this green card in 2007 and I gave him a year to divorce to make things believable, he was nonchalant with the divorce process which ultmately broke us up. He wasn't the worst guy in the world and I'm not a angel but we had physical encounters in which he left scars on my body and even threatened to kill me after i went off on him because he sent emails to females on the internet. We had a lot of history within almost 3yrs..right after we broke up he start talking to this colombian chick within three weeks of us breaking up..he rubbed it in my face by sending me her myspace link and how he met her during his lunch break @ a diner..talking about how he intially talked to her because of her body but ultametly there wasn't no chemistry..he said she is just his kids babysitter and even mention how he had a cook out introducing her to friends i never met!..he threw in how she spent the night but laid on the air bed wih the kids while he slept in the other room! We had beef after that, I even befriended this colombian chick at one time to get under his skin but left the situation alone completely..I had a nervous break down on new years in front of my mother..she snapped called and cussed him out..in the process he called me acting like he was my friend for a good min despite we haven't seen eachother physically, even suggested the grad school that I should go to which would work around my work schedule..he went back to school full time after being laid off his job while taking care of his kids on weekends..then stop communicating with me altogether without no explanation..and to this day I am crying on and off..today I had a nervous breakdown ..I just can't get over this..I have dated and been intimate with someone since then..I even went back 2 school..still working full time..but I'm still not happy..I have friends but not best friends, my family aren't close at all and I feel alone to the point of having suicidal thoughts..can anyone tell me what to do?