This is my second pregnancy and I am having a planned c-section. I have a huge phobia of the whole thing.?

My first c-sect was an emergency after 21 hours of hard labor, and not dialating more than 4 cm. I refused drugs through all of it, but was given pictocin, then an epidural after 18 hours. The doctor kept re-inserting the epidural, saying that I must be a very tense person, and that my spine seems compacted. It was so scary. I kept messing with the epidural - because my husband was sleeping and I kept obsessing that everytime I moved a bit that it was going to fall out. (I have OCD and severe anxiety) and I was very sure that i pulled it out a bit. The nurse said that it was impossible, but the meds stopped working on me, so I am pretty sure of it. At 21 hours into labor the babies heartrate was messing up, so they said I had to have a cesarean, and I was refusing, crying, pleading with my doctor. I was petrified of the surgery, and in fact, had been so sure of the fact that it would be a natural delivery that I never even educated myself about c-sect. Pretty dumb. So, they gave me a spinal tap in the OR. It didn't work, and I could feel them when they did their "poking" tests. They didn't believe me because they thought it was just my anxiety of the surgery, and started the surgery. I felt it and FREAKED out. SO, they got in a huddle and talked about what to do, then all of a sudden they kicked my husband out, then put a mask on my face, while I was pleading with everyone to tell me what was happening. Next thing I experience was hearing my daughter crying very loud (but not even ociating it with the fact that it was my baby) and then noticing that my throat hurt so, so bad. Then my stomach. My husband was not by my side, I was so confused, and I was in a crap-load of pain. It was an awful experience and I am still very traumatized by it. I have no choice but to have another c-sect this time because 1-my doctors office WILL NOT do a VBAC , and 2- it is risky because I didn't dialate before. I am in counseling for this, but my counselor does not know how to help me it seems, and talking about it weekly is just upsetting me more. I have an appointment with the anesthesiologist for in the future to talk about my phobias. I can't really pinpoint on what I am afraid of most. All of it I guess. And everytime I look to the internet for some advice I find more things to worry about and be afraid of. I am hoping that I can get some advice here, and I am taking the risk that people could me cruel and insensitive, because I see it on here all the time. Please refrain from this, it will not be worth your satisfaction to put more fear in me, believe me.